I Don’t Know Anything About Politics

I have a confession to make. You know in the Friends episode when Joey doesn’t know anything so ends up just nodding along in friend conversations (even though he has no clue what they’re discussing)? Well that’s me. I went to a world leading university, was a scholarship student at school, competed with the top 6% of the country in a Maths challenge and have exceeded people’s expectations in all my jobs, won many prizes and was promoted to manager at 25, but somehow, anything relating to politics – I’ve managed to miss.

I wasn’t a fan of reading or watching the news as a child, as I always found that most of it was bad news so didn’t see the point. I studied Economics and the Suffragettes in sixth form, and realised that it’s actually really important to find out what’s going on in the world and the economy, and that voting is really important – so much so, that other people had died to give me and others this opportunity and and it shapes our future society. Also, we should never take for granted that we live in a free society where we have the privilege to make decisions and say what we think. Imagine if you lived somewhere where the voting was corrupt? Or you didn’t have freedom of speech?

So how do we find out more about politics? Reading the news? It was only recently that I discovered that most of it is biased, most newspapers support a political party (they’ll all conservative at the moment, except for The Independent – Liberal and The Guardian – Labour). That’s not to mention that The Sun (the most read newspaper in the UK) has changed its views multiple times (are we fickle? or too idealistic? too easily swayed?). In essence, newspapers write more about particular policies to sway your view towards a political agenda of a particular party – some more subtley, and some more blatantly than others. The other way I’ve found out about politics is from listening to people either complaining about the government (aren’t we so British) or ranting about why their view is the best.

The first time I voted, I knew so little – so I went onto the main website, read about all the different policies (the summarised version in about 20 minutes) and made my decision on the party which I thought had the most realistic goals which would benefit most people. I voted for Conservative. And I blocked out anything anyone else said, or any flyer which came through my door (those generally annoy me). After having discussions with friends – I fall into the 25 year old age group – most people my age who I’m friends with are quite idealistic, free thinking socialists who support Lib Dem. So I was immediately branded as selfish, and someone who prefers to support rich rather than poor people, and lot of people don’t like David Cameron. The thing that really irritates me about politics is – there is no real “right” answer. No one party can necessarily be deemed to be more “moral” or more “beneficial to society” than another – it’s an opinion, so it annoys me when you support a different party to someone else and they just start shouting at you.

The other things that annoys me is, who really knows the full picture? If we were really to vote properly, surely we should:

• Know about historical events that have happened because of a political party – were these successes of failures, and why?
• Know about all the parties (not just the main ones)
• Understand the world view of each party
• Compare and contrast similar policies of each one
• Ignore someone who is ranting unless they are being objective
• Understand how a policy will change our society (that’s the hard bit – sometimes it’s hard to tell until/unless it actually happens, and usually we’re just quoted things in financial terms, but what about the non financial gains?)

Also, we should know about what all these people do and how they’re connected:

• The home secretary
• The prime minister
• The chancellor
• The treasurer
• Our local MP
• The mayor and the mayor of London

etc. etc. And yes, the system is flawed, but we still have the right to vote – so we should vote carefully and considerably.

Watch this space as I embark on my journey to try and find out as much useful stuff about politics as I can in a completely non biased way…

What Being A Christian Means To Me

For most of my life, I’ve always known God exists – by feeling his presence, reading the Bible and it making sense, answered prayers and seeing God’s timing.

My memories of having a life without God bring back feelings of guilt and fear – plus the unexplained question of what we’re all really doing here.

When I was 6, I asked Jesus to come into my heart, I got baptised when I was 12, and properly grasped the real definition of Christianity when I was 14:
Christianity’s not a set of rules; it’s all about relationships. God made us, we’re all sinners – which hurts God, so God sent Jesus to die for us to bear the punishment for our sin in one single act. So all we have to do is so simple yet so difficult and almost impossible for some – if you accept who God is and what he did, and have a relationship with Jesus, that’s it – you’re saved and you get eternal life. What have you got to lose? (If it’s not true, not much.)
And this is where I am today at 25.

How does this affect my life?

1. I don’t like sinning because it upsets God and other people. Yet I still continue to sin everyday and I feel like a massive hypocrite. Each day, I start again. Sometimes I don’t even think about sin and just get on with enjoying life.
2. My relationships with others. I try to love people in the same way that God does and know I don’t even come close. I hope and pray that somehow, through the Holy Spirit (certainly not myself) that others around me will see that I’m a bit different – not better, not “more holy”, but see the love that God has for them through me and my actions.
3. I spend time at church – why? I’ve found there a community of loving people (both young and old) – who all share a common belief with me. We hang out together, sing songs, read the Bible to learn more, encourage each other when we’re low and challenge each other when we’re short sighted. We also talk about ways to share Christianity with our friends because we think that what we believe is true so want as many people as possible to share it with us and also be saved. Inside we’re terrified that if we’re too forceful in telling others that we’ll put people off from God and from ourselves. In a way it’s harder to talk about it with your close friends who you know don’t believe in God because you’re terrified of upsetting them or pushing them away. Over time, you feel slightly hypocritical going to church every week and not bring “Christian” during the week – but over time, you learn that the devil constantly tries to put you off and that after all, you’re human, a natural sinner.
4. I pray – either to thank God for good stuff or ask for his help – from healing a friend to helping me make a decision about a new job. And I find that the more I pray, the more real God is.

I know Christianity’s not perfect (the human side) which does make me angry at times, and I can see why people might be put off:

• No church is perfect
• Christians can be cliquey
• Christians can do massive sins
• Christians disagree on some areas (e.g. homosexuality, sex), which makes us look inconsistent

Yet in spite of all that, what’s it all about? A relationship. And that doesn’t have to be about church, or rules, or sex, or cliques, or people.

So what does being a Christian mean to me? Everything. Life.

Planning a Wedding…

My experience…

What did I wish I had known before I planned my wedding? It’s expensive, a bit stressful, incredibly fun and rewarding, and involves making a lot of people happy! Depending on your personality, it also has it’s way of taking over your life…

Ok, so when you really think about it, why is it important to have a cake on your wedding day? And why do you need lots of flowers? And why do you have to go to silly wedding fayres and follow all these other silly traditions? I always used to think it was annoying, having all these expectations put on you when you were planning a wedding, and all weddings ending up being the same because all the same things happen. I always used to strive for individuality and want mine to be different (doesn’t every bride), and not do things just because everyone else does it. But the scary truth is, as soon as that ring goes on your finger, suddenly all common sense, principals and rationale go out of the window. Suddenly something happens to you which you hadn’t quite prepared for and didn’t even begin to think would happen. You become Bridezilla overnight! It’s as if another things takes control of your mind and you end up doing things and spending money on things you had never imagined, all because, you want your day to be absolutely perfect.

So from my own experience (obviously everyone’s is different so this certainly isn’t the only way to do it!), here are hopefully a few useful tips…

First Things First

Set The Date

• Once you’ve got a date, you’ve got something to work towards – so you can plan everything (book people on the right day, make sure guests are available etc.)
• Fridays/Sundays tend to be cheaper than Saturdays and weekdays to be cheaper again
• If people are travelling from abroad, try and book it at a time which is suitable for your guests (e.g. a holiday period, a weekend)
• Winter weddings are normally cheaper than summer weddings
• It’s good to think about the availability of the church/ceremony venue and the reception venue and make sure they are both free on your preferred date, as those two are the most important things to book (there are plenty of photographers, florists etc. out there).

Book church/ceremony and reception venue (making sure they’re both available on the same date!)

• Everyone told me to look around at a few venues but to be completely honest, I had already decided on my reception venue even before my husband proposed, and I already knew I wanted to get married at my church.  Before we booked the venue though, we costed everything out on a spreadsheet to make sure that we could definitely afford it for the number of people we wanted etc.

Celebrate and tell everyone

Really make the most of this – it’s the one time in your life when you can have an engagement party – plus it’s a bit more unique than a birthday and there’s no impending doom of a baby coming so you can drink too. So often, people get so caught up in the wedding plans they get stressed and forget to enjoy being that fabulous engaged couple, full of joy, hope and optimism. It doesn’t have to be anything big, we just had a BBQ in our back garden with our family and then cooked a meal for our friends in our new flat (see previous blog post).

I wouldn’t brag about it too much around people you’re not planning on inviting just in case…

Make a Plan

Now that you’ve picked the date, celebrated, and got used to wearing a beautiful expensive ring and not freaking out about possibly losing it whenever you leave the house or have a shower, or accidentally swallowing it in your sleep, now have a think about all the little milestones that need to be achieved over the next few months (research, bookings and making things if you want to be creative).

Budgeting – for all the finer details as well (which wedding planners forget to tell you about)

How much can you afford? The average wedding in the UK costs close to £20k. You’ll think you’re superman and that you’ll be a great negotiator and smarter than everyone else, but if you want a normal sized wedding in a nice venue with a nice dress, it’s going to cost a lot. Really. I’m not joking. You’ll see further on how this breaks down…

How to keep costs down?

• Day of the week/time of the year

(See above)

• Asking for favours from people you know

Do you know anyone who could help you out with anything? (E.g. anyone with a nice car to drive you to the church/make nice cakes/ arrange flowers nicely/help you with wedding favours/in a band or plays a musical instrument/owns nice decorations/does dress alterations/is good with hair and make up/is a photographer or videographer/has a camcorder/can teach you how to dance/makes nice stationary/works in the travel industry/makes jewellery/the list goes on…) This is the one time in your life when you can be a little bit selfish and get away with things, and ask people for a little favour here and there.

• Not using the W-word
  I know someone who booked their wedding reception as a “party”. They agreed the price and signed the contract. The reception venue then found out that it was a wedding so tried to charge them more money. When my friend questioned their rationale and what the difference was between a “party” and a “wedding reception”, they found out the only difference was that the “wedding reception” allowed them to have the venue for two full days instead of one. But they only needed the venue for one day, so they argued their point and managed to just pay the lower price for the “party”. Well done them for sticking to their principles!
• Number of bridesmaids
  The more you have, the more it costs for that extra dress/extra dress alteration/pair of shoes/handbag/present… (I know this sounds really harsh, but it might help you decide between having an army of all your girlfriends versus your two or three favourite people)
• Flowers

You could always re-use church flowers as wedding reception flowers (make sure you ask someone to do this for you), or ask the reception venue if there is another wedding happening that weekend, then contact the other bride and possibly share the flowers and split the cost if you’re not too fussy on the type of flower. Also, it’s best to pick flowers for your wedding which are seasonal. If you’re going for something expensive like orchids, choose a minimal theme so you won’t need so many of them.

Also, make sure that whatever you decide for your overall budget, you need to allow room for things to cost an extra 30% to what you have budgeted them to cost. There are a number of things which always crop up and take you by surprise, even when you think you’ve thought of absolutely everything and things can’t possibly cost any more money. Here’s a list of a few unexpected things I had which I had no idea would cost me more money:

• I wanted to lose a bit of weight in the final month before the big day. I started spending more on healthy food for lunches (like nice sushi, thinking “I’m a bride, I should treat myself blah blah blah…” and yoga DVDs/classes)
• My sister said that my skin regime was appalling so forced me to invest in some nice Liz Earle skincare to reduce my “massive pores” and make my nose more pretty. When you want to look the most amazing you’ll probably ever look, you’ll do anything. Even pay for Liz Earle.
• When you order your wedding dress, you budget an amount for the dress. Usually emotion takes over once you’ve found The One, so it will probably cost a little bit more than that. But then, the dress arrives in your size – but wedding dresses are made to fit any woman (any height, any breast to hips width ratio), so you’ll have to pay twice more – to take it in, and to take it up.
• I thought I’d be brave enough to do my own wedding hair. I practised it a couple of times and could never make my hair as beautiful as the one in the picture I found in the wedding magazine. So I booked a hairdresser – but I turned into a crazy Bridezilla and didn’t trust her to get it right on the day, so I booked a practise as well. So paid twice.
• I was going to borrow my sister’s shoes (for free!)… but then realised they were too big. So I bought the most beautiful ones I’d ever seen from the bridal shop which had crystals on and looked like they belonged to a princess. They are now the most expensive shoes I own.
• I decided to do my own make up (for free!) but then realised all my make up was quite old and skanky. So I invested in some nice make up to wear on the day and take on my honeymoon.
• I came to a realisation about my underwear two weeks before the wedding that (a) 90% of it was from M&S, (b) I hadn’t purchased new underwear in over a year and (c) my pyjamas mostly consisted of smelly old T shirts and pink fluffy PJs from Primark which made me look like a marshmallow. This wasn’t quite the ideal picture I’d always had in my head of being a sexy wife on her honeymoon. You can work out what I spent my money on.
• I forgot to budget money to buy presents for all the people that helped with the wedding. So many lovely people helped that I ended up spending a mini fortune on boxes of chocolates, bottles of wine and nicer presents for bridesmaids and ushers etc. as you also get sentimental about how nice your friends are and how much you value them and that you’ll be eternally grateful to your parents for raising you etc. etc. so you end up spoiling them too.
• Bloody stamps for thank you cards!
• Parasols. I know. They are certainly not a requirement for any weddings at all. I had a moment of insanity and decided to buy some oriental paper parasols to put around my venue. I ordered them off a cheap Chinese website but then had to pay loads on shipping, and by then, I’d already emotionally bought into the idea, so ended up spending £100 on 8 of the damn things. Argh, never again!

List of items to plan and budget

This is a list of all the things I had to budget for. Depending on the wedding, there may be additional things for this list.

Category	Item	Budget Range
Pre wedding entertainment	Engagement party Hen do Stag do Spa treatments Rehearsal dinner	£300+ Depends Depends Depends Depends
Legal	Insurance Wedding banns (if Church of England wedding) Church service/ceremonial fees	£100+ £70 £400
Travel	Wedding car	£200-400
Wedding reception	Venue hire Toasting drinks Canapes/buffet food Wedding breakfast/catering/wine	Normally venue gives quote per person
Stage	Photographer Videographer Dance lessons	£500+ £500+ Depends
Post wedding entertainment	Pianist Band DJ Lighting	Depends Depends Depends Depends
Decorations	Main wedding bouquet (bride) Smaller wedding bouquets (bridesmaids) Buttonholes (groom, fathers, best man, groomsmen, ushers) Top table flowers (head table, guest tables) Church flowers Cake flowers Hair flowers Flower girl flowers Confetti Other table decorations (petals, crystals, table runners etc.) Candles Venue decorations (parasols) Chair covers Nice chairs Table linen (sometimes already provided)	£60+ £30+ £4+ each £4+ per table Depends £10+ Depends Depends Depends Depends Depends Depends £3+ per chair Depends Depends
Wedding cake	Professionally made? (If you make it yourself…) Ingredients (cake, icing, decorations)	£300 and up £150 and up
Gifts	Wedding favours (men, women, children) Wedding presents for: -each other -parents -best man -bridesmaids -groomsmen -ushers -helpers	Depends
Stationary	Save the Date cards Invitations Placecards Menus Order of Services Thank you cards Stamps Guest book Scrap book Photo album	Depends
Honeymoon	Wedding night hotel Flights Passport renewal? Visas? Injections? Travel insurance Honeymoon accommodation Honeymoon food Honeymoon spending money	Depends
Wedding attire	Bridal gown Bridal gown alterations Tiara/headpiece/veil Jewellery Lingerie Bride shoes Hairdresser Make up artist Wedding rings Bridesmaid dresses Bridesmaid dress alterations Bridesmaid shoes Suits (groom, fathers, best man, groomsmen, ushers)	£200+ £70+ Depends £50+ Depends £400+ £90+ per suit

Picking a “theme” (what on earth is that, I hear you ask?)

It’s good to have some kind of theme running through your wedding which links everything together. This could be something as simple as the colour of your flowers – you need to make sure that the colour of your flowers doesn’t look too washed out and goes with the colours of everything else (bridesmaids, ribbons, table decorations etc.) It could be something more elaborate (e.g. English country garden, shabby chic, oriental etc.) – there are loads of ideas on wedding websites for this.

Defining what’s important to you

There will be some things you’re not that fussed about – it’s good to let these things go or delegate these. There will be some other things that mean the world to you – make sure you keep control of these things and stick to your heart. It’s also good to ask your other half what’s most important to them and make sure that their needs are met too!

Setting expectations (especially with parents and future in laws)

Some parents don’t care, others get so excited that they want to be involved with every minor detail and it might drive you crazy. It’s good to set the boundaries early on with the in laws and the parents and say what you’re prepared to put up with and what you’re not. If you don’t want someone else’s opinion, don’t ask for it, or they might then get offended if you go and do what you always wanted to do anyway.

Also remember that when you get married, you go through a “change of loyalties”. Basically this means that you go through a transition of going from being connected to your parents to being cleaved to each other. This will mean changing the way that you do things and decide things as a couple, and your parents will have to go through a process of letting go. This might be hard for some, so be prepared to let them deal with this time of loss and do your best to support them but also support each other. There will be times of conflict between your spouse and your parents, and you are going to have to support your spouse (even if you don’t agree with them) through thick and thin, for better or for worse.

Wedding Party

Best Man duties (pick someone who’s reasonably organised!)

• Organise the stag do
• Stand next to the groom at the church/ceremony
• Make a speech about the groom at the wedding reception after the groom
• Help organise the ushers
• Look after the rings for the ceremony
• Organise decorations for the going away car
• Escort the chief bridesmaid out of the church
• Ensure everyone has transportation to the wedding venue
• Stand in the receiving line and greet the guests and the wedding reception
• Pick up and return any hired suits

Advice to best man: the stag do is a bit of a nightmare to organise, it’s best to be decisive rather than asking 20 people who don’t know each other to suggest ideas – this takes ages and is really faffy. Also, you will learn that everyone has different expectations regarding cost and time. If people really want to come, they will make it. It’s also good to clarify a few expectations from the groom (e.g. do they want a stripper or would that make them feel uncomfortable, how much can they afford, who do they want to invite etc.)

Bridesmaid duties

• Organise the hen do
• Help the bride choose her dress
• Look pretty
• Help the bride on the day with the dress, peeing, making sure she eats, looking after make up and tissues
• Decorate the wedding night room

Advice to chief bridesmaid: the hen do is a bit of a nightmare to organise, it’s best to be decisive rather than asking 20 people who don’t know each other to suggest ideas – this takes ages and is really faffy. Also, you will learn that everyone has different expectations regarding cost and time. If people really want to come, they will make it. It’s also good to check with the bride her general expectations first.

Groomsmen duties

• Help the best man decorate the going away car
• Stand with the groom and best man at the church/ceremony
• Assist the ushers

Master of Ceremonies duties – either ask an usher or pay a professional

• Ensure the orderly development of events at the reception and announce:
  • Group photos
  • The receiving line
  • The cutting of the cake
  • The first dance
  • The serving of refreshments
  • The departure of the bride and groom
  • Introduce the toasts and speeches and the wedding reception meal
  • Audio checks at the wedding reception venue

Ushers duties

• Seat the guests at the church/ceremony and wedding reception
• Escort the bride and bridesmaids
• It’s ok to not invite every guest to the wedding reception meal (most people know how expensive weddings are!). If this is the case, try to politely make this as clear as possible in the invitation. Some people (usually who haven’t been to a lot of weddings) might still come to your meal, even if they were only invited for the evening party. If this happens, ask your best man to calmly ask them to leave and come back a couple of hours later. Your guests should be very understanding and possibly a bit embarrassed, but they will just enjoy a couple of hours in the pub instead then come back. This happened at our wedding and nobody got upset.
• Bride and groom to pay for the bridesmaid dresses and the hire suits for the best man, fathers, groomsmen and ushers – it’s a bit unfair to expect them to pay for themselves, especially if you choose expensive dresses/hire wear. It’s best to clarify this with them too.
• At the ceremony, guests of the bride to sit on the left, guests of the groom to sit on the right (if you are standing at the back of the church looking forwards and facing the front)
• At the top table, to use this seating arrangement (for the mixing of the two families):
  • Chief Bridesmaid
  • Groom’s Father
  • Bride’s Mother
  • Groom
  • Bride
  • Bride’s Father
  • Groom’s Mother
  • Best Man

Wedding Etiquette

There can be variations of this, as long as everyone’s happy, then it’s fine.

• The bride to arrive 5 minutes late. Later than this, the groom might start to worry! (I’m such a hypocrite, I got stuck in traffic and was half an hour late, not my fault!)
• Order of speeches is usually: Father of the Bride, Groom, Best Man
• If you have a buffet, the average number of pieces of food per person should be 8-10

Making it legal

If you have a church wedding, unless it is in a Church of England church, this is still legally considered to be a civil ceremony. For a Church of England wedding, to make it legal, you need to register with your local parish church (find this on the C of E website) and make sure that your wedding banns are read out in each of your local parish churches, and the church where you are going to get married (there may be some cross over, otherwise this is 3 separate churches). For a civil ceremony, you need to make book an appointment with the local registrar and make sure that you are put onto the register for people getting married.

3 Important People to book as quickly as possible

Make sure for each of these you look around and compare prices, times and service.

Photographer (recommended: Paul Demuth www.pauldemuth.com)

Some things to consider:

• Do they cover more than one wedding in a day?
• How can guests view the photos? If they are put up on a website, how long for?
• How can you/guests buy the photos? Can you only buy them through the photographer’s website (expensive and limited!) or can you get copies of all the photos on file?
• What is included in the price – how many hours (does that include breaks), do you get any prints etc.
• What are your options for wedding albums? These are usually expensive so we decided not to get one straight away – and buy one in a year or so’s time.
• Does the photographer have a back up camera if their one breaks or a back up person if they fall ill?
• Can they show you a port folio of their work?
• How many weddings have they done before? How long have they been a professional photographer?

Florist (recommended: Best of the Bunch 7, Chessington www.bestofthebunch7.co.uk)

• Do they cover more than one wedding a day?
• Are their prices fixed? Some florists quote you a fixed price per flower; others give you a range and say “it depends on the price of the flowers nearer the time”. Believe it or not, these ones might be cheaper. Usually the florists who fix their prices fix them at a high rate to cover themselves in case the flowers are very expensive at the time of the wedding – so at the highest possible rate.
• Ask if you can get a discount from ordering so much from them at once
• It’s good to have a plan before you visit the florist so you know what to ask for
• Pick seasonal flowers as they are cheaper
• Ask to see the florist’s work and how many weddings they have done before
• Typical flowers required for a wedding:
  • Bridal bouquet
  • Bridesmaids bouquets
  • Buttonholes (for mothers, fathers, best man, groomsmen and ushers)
  • Church flowers
  • Wedding reception flowers
    • Top table (usually a “long and low”)
    • Guest tables centre pieces
    • Entrances
    • Outside
    • It can also be cheaper if you provide your own vases/extra decorations – you could always try to negotiate this

Wedding Car

• Do they cover more than one wedding?
• Do they have a back up if the car breaks down?
• Do they provide champagne?
• Could they do more than one trip (tip to save money if the bride’s home is close to the church/ceremony, the car could pick up the bridesmaids and mother of the bride first then the bride and father of the bride in a second trip)

Wedding Attire

Bridal Gown

• Good to go to at least 2-3 places before choosing
• Try to stick to your budget
• There are plenty of sample sales, wedding dress sales and discounted dresses at wedding fayres if you’re trying to save money. It’s also much cheaper to buy a second hand dress if you already know the make and name of the style of dress that you want.

Bridesmaid Dresses (recommended: Monsoon)

• Pick a colour and shape which suits all your bridesmaids
• Make sure they get to choose – you want them to feel as comfortable as possible and feel like princesses! You can also make sure it ties in with your theme.
• Word of advice: I bought mine from a bridal boutique. They were custom made – you could choose whichever style of dress in whichever colour and size you want – they then make the dresses and send them to you. The annoying thing was – the fabric used to make these “wedding designer dresses” was cheap and made in China. Luckily I managed to return them to the bridal boutique for a full refund (they normally don’t let you do that) and I bought 100% silk dresses from Monsoon instead. I did take a risk as one of my guests could have ended up wearing the same dress – but luckily that didn’t happen and I saved some money!
• Make sure they wear the same shoes or same colour shoes, otherwise it looks odd
• If it’s cold it’s a good idea to get them matching pashminas

Groom Suit (recommended: Debenhams or Dapper www.dapper.co.uk)

• Traditionally a morning suit for a daytime wedding with waistcoat, tie/cravat and smart black shoes. There are other suits available and fancy things like tails and top hats if they want to be a bit different. Grey can be nice too.

Best Man, Father of the Bride, Father of the Groom, Ushers (recommended: Debenhams or Dapper www.dapper.co.uk)

• Make sure they match!
• Make sure they wear the same colour socks and shoes (unless you want to be quirky) and similar cuff links
• Often there’s offers on for hiring multiple suits if you book early (e.g. groom suit for free) – good places for hire are Debenhams and Dapper

Cake (recommended: my sister and her husband)

Making it vs. buying it

Making a cake is actually very laborious and the raw cake ingredients cost at least £50. That’s before decorations and any other cake icing equipment. It’s also tricky to get the icing flat without buying some cake making equipment. So you should realistically budget £100 for a super nice cake. It also takes practise! You also might need to buy a cake stand. These are cheapest on Ebay.

The cheapest, nicest, bought wedding cakes I know of are (believe it or not) from Waitrose. They look great, there’s a range of styles, and they’re very reasonably priced compared to the ones you see at wedding fayres.

Entertainment

Decorations

Possible table decorations:

• Table crystals (very cheap on Ebay, expensive at Confetti and other wedding websites)
• Table runners, chair covers, chair sashes, nice chairs
• Mirrors, fish bowls, vases
• Vase crystals (sometimes florists provide these)
• Rose petals – fresh or freeze dried (you can get freeze dried in pretty much any colour you want)
• Quirky wedding favours
• Candles (very cheap at Ikea and in most colours/sizes with some scented)
• Other things to go with your theme (fans, origami, parasols, lights, lanterns, fish…)

Lighting (recommended: Surrey Sound and Light Hire)

It’s good to picture the overall layout of your wedding reception venue – where you want things to go, and how you want to set the atmosphere. Check the lighting at the venue – is there a dimmer switch? Any twinkly lights they can provide? Any candles they might have? Any table name stands? The more they can help you, the better. You are paying them lots for it!

If you’re having music for dancing – can any lighting help with it? I would recommend Surrey Sound and Light Hire, they’re quite reasonable and have a huge range of lighting.

Music (recommended: Blue Flamingo Jazz www.blueflamingoents.com)

• Church
  • Whilst the guests are waiting
  • Whilst you walk down the aisle
  • Hymns for ceremony
  • We had a photo slideshow to show us from babies to meeting to dating to proposing – we chose a couple of songs to set the mood
  • Whilst you exit the church
  • Reception
    • Whilst the guests are mulling around drinking champagne
    • Whilst the guests are having their photos taken
    • First dance
    • Whilst the guests are eating
    • Whilst the guests are arriving (and probably too scared and sober to dance)
    • After the guests have had a few drinks and are boogying
    • Whilst the bride and groom are departing

Other

• Fireworks
• Disco – ipod (much cheaper!) or DJ?
• Magician
• Games (e.g. giant Jenga, other games to keep kids entertained)
• Other
  

  Honeymoon

• How much can you budget
• Where to go (Abroad, UK? Hot, cold?)
• How long (1 week? 2 weeks? More?)
• Possibly having a “mini-moon” then having a more expensive blowout holiday later on when you’ve saved more money after being married
• Consider injections and Visas
• Check your passport and when it expires!!
• Clarify your expectations with each other and what you hope to do on your honeymoon
• I would advise something relaxing because you’re usually exhausted after the wedding planning and want to spend quality time together. I do know others who have hiked up Kilimanjaro or gone on safari and also had an amazing time.

Gift List (recommended: John Lewis)

Word of advice: It’s best not to choose a small company you’re not familiar with. I’ve heard stories of people doing this, then the company going bust and all the guests who have bought presents not getting their money back.

It’s also good to go for a company where it’s easily accessible for the guests to buy you a gift – either online, from a store or on the phone.

We went with John Lewis who were mostly great. It did take them 4 months to deliver our food processor, so we complained to the MD and got £125 vouchers as compensation J

Generally, people are very kind and generous when it comes to buying wedding gifts! It’s good to put a range of items on your list, of a range of prices, to give guests the choice. It’s good to have a list so that you don’t end up with 20 clocks and no towels. Some people will still insist on buying you something that’s not on the list.

Items you might want to consider for your list:

• Bathroom
  • Towels

  Bedroom

  • Bed linen
  • Laundry basket
  • Lighting

  Living room

  • Lighting, lamps
  • Throws, cushions, rugs
  • Furniture
  • Beanbag
  • Scanner, printer
  • Music system, phone
  • Iron, ironing board
  • Hoover, mop, dustpan and brush
  • Picture frames, vases, decorative ornaments

  Kitchen

  • Food processor
  • Electric whisk, stick blender
  • Microwave
  • Steamer
  • Colander, grater
  • Pestle and mortar, rolling pin, pastry brush, silicon spatula
  • Cutting boards
  • Ice cube trays
  • Crystalware
  • Dinner set (plates, bowls, mugs, serving dishes, butter dish, gravy boat, teapot)
  • Cutlery, chopsticks
  • Kitchen utensils (masher, fish slice, large spoon, spatula, hand whisk, slotted spoon)
  • Salad servers, garlic crusher, tin opener, vegetable peeler
  • Frying pans, saucepans, wok, wooden spoons
  • Knives set, steak knives, palette  knife
  • Roasting dishes, pyrex dishes
  • Baking trays, muffin tray, cake tin, loaf tin, cooling rack
  • Mixing bowls, measuring spoons, measuring jug, kitchen scales
  • Ramekins
  • Storage boxes
  • Spice rack, salt pig
  • Placemats, coasters, table cloth, napkins, napkin rings
  • Wine glasses, corkscrew, wine cooler
  • Cafetiere
  • Dustbin

  Outdoor/other

  • Step ladder
  • Toolset, hammer, power drill
  • Flower pots, herbs, gardening tools
  • Camping or hiking equipment
  • Suitcases
  • Picnic ware
  • Board games

So that’s as much as I can think of in terms of practical advice. Try to stay sane, remember your poor fiance and delegate things to friends.

On a final note, congratulations on your engagement and the best of luck in planning your beautiful wedding!

Buying a property for the first time

Being a first time buyer is possibly one of the most stressful things in life (unless you’re a cash buyer… but let’s face it, we don’t live in our parents’ generation when you could buy a house for 20p, and most of us don’t come from families which give you lots of money and at our age, i.e. twenties, the most work experience we’ve probably had is the milk round for £1.30 an hour then a couple of years’ work since leaving university).

I found buying a place with my other half scarier than marrying him. You’re spending the most amount of money ever, using all your savings, and entering a financial commitment with someone else. The whole process is also so uncertain, so many things can go wrong and there’s the potential to lose lots of money. It’s also one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done, especially when you get to the stage where you’ve decorated it the way you want it, had your first dinner party in it, and come home from work everyday with a huge smile on your face because you’ve come back to the home that you love and cherish.

What is a mortgage?

Another name for a loan to purchase a property.

How much can you afford?

First things first – find out how much you can borrow. That way you can start thinking about where you want to live and what size of property you can afford within that area. Generally, you can borrow 2.5 times your joint annual income (if buying with someone else) or 3.5 times your annual income. It’s also wise to go onto the main bank websites and enter your details into a mortgage calculator. Be flexible – we started looking in Central London and realised we could only afford a shoebox without a garden or a parking space so we ventured out to a commuter town and could have something bigger. Also, how much can you pay as deposit? People say, generally it costs about £5k-£10k every time you move house:

• Conveyance cost, i.e. legal cost to buy property – £300
• Stamp duty, i.e. the tax you pay to the government – 0% for property up to £125, 1% for property £125k-£250k, 3% for property £250k-£500k…
• Mortgage fees – £2k
• Solicitor fees – £2k
• Removals van, carpets, furniture and appliances – £2k

It’s also good to have a teeny bit of savings after you’ve paid all of this and the deposit, as buffer, in case something goes wrong (car breaks, boiler breaks, you get ill).

The other side of the equation is, how much can you afford to pay each month when you pay off your mortgage? We put together a spreadsheet which calculated, on average, how much we spend a month and how much we earn each month so how much we could save and put onto a mortgage. This was how we broke down our monthly spending, both (a) before home purchase and (b) after home purchase (as after you buy somewhere together, you share bills, you’re paying mortgage instead of rent etc. so it’s different). We put the following categories into a spreadsheet and entered the average monthly amount for each one:

Income
What’s your net income after national insurance, income tax, pension, other benefits you’ve signed up for e.g. retail vouchers, bike allowance, travel loan etc.
Housing Expenses
Rent
Mortgage
Council tax (for the areas you’ve chosen, you can look this up on the Internet)
Gas/electricity
Water
Telephone
Mobile phone
TV, phone and Internet
Furniture/appliances (my suggestion: £50/month)
Maintenance/repairs (this might increase once you’re a homeowner, I would suggest £80/month which equates to £2k/year)
Service charge (you’ll need to pay this in you own a flat, otherwise it’s ? if you own a house)
Charity
Any other direct debits you might have
Food and Eating
Supermarket
Restaurants and pubs
Lunches
Transportation
Train and underground
Petrol
Car maintenance/repairs (best to look at last 12 months and take an average)
Road tax
Car insurance
MOT
Tolls and parking
Appearance
Clothes
Shoes
Jewellery and accessories
Dry cleaning
Hair
Makeup and cosmetics
Other
Debt Repayments
Student loan
Credit card
Any other loans
Fun Stuff
Entertainment (gigs, films)
Holidays (including flights/travel, accommodation and spending money – try and take an average of the last 12 months)
Birthday presents
Christmas presents
Trips to see parents/family
Hobbies (sport/gym, musical instrument, books, other)
Health Care
Drugs
Dentist and optician
Spa
Education
Courses
Books
Supplies
Other
Anything else you can think of! Check the last 3 months’ bank statements to see if there’s anything else on there not already mentioned

We then calculated Left To Save = Total Income – Total Spending
Ideally you want Left To Save % of Total Income to be at least 5-10%.
You can now work out what you can afford to pay off on a mortgage each month, and preferably still have your desired amount of savings left.

Mortgage research and picking the best mortgage lender

Now that you know what you can afford (both property price and mortgage monthly repayments), you have the knowledge you need to choose the best mortgage for you.

You could go to a mortgage broker – I would generally warn against this because they tend to work on commission and only show you part of the picture. They can also be aggressive and try to push you into making a decision. You might be lucky enough to know one personally, that might be a good start. I only spoke to one then said I didn’t want any further contact with them and did it all myself!

I would advise against getting a credit check done as the more checks you get done, the lower your credit rating (I know, ironic). If you want to be sure then you could get one done. Usually everything is fine unless you’re in tons of debt and can’t keep up with your repayments.

We went round all the main banks (HSBC, Barclays, Natwest, Hallifax, Santander) and largest building society (Nationwide) by making appointments with the mortgage advisors and taking a list of questions with us to each one, saying that we were first time buyers (as there are different rules for first time buyers compared to other buyers):

• What’s the maximum LTV (loan to value, e.g. if you pay 20% of the property price as the deposit then the LTV is 80%)?
• What’s the maximum loan amount?
• What’s the maximum length term? (E.g. A term of 35 years means you have 35 years to pay off the mortgage, unless you sell within that time period – it’s usually best to get the maximum length of term in your mortgage as then you pay the smallest monthly amount for that loan and you usually have the option to overpay)
• Are your mortgages portable? (this means you can ‘port’ the mortgage to another property)
• How flexible are your mortgages?
• Can you offset the mortgage? (this means you can have a savings account linked to the mortgage and the savings in this particular account offsets your total outstanding mortgage amount)
• Can you overpay on your mortgage? (e.g. you may be allowed to overpay your mortgage by up to 10% of the outstanding amount each month, if you pay over that you get charged)
• Are there any prepayment penalties? (e.g. if you overpay, do they charge you anything to do this?)
• Can you underpay on your mortgage? (e.g. if you take a mortgage holiday how long can you do it for and do you get charged, this could be useful if one of you loses a job, for example)
• Are there any rate lock terms?
• Can I let the property?
• Are there any conditions I need to be aware of? (E.g. The flat has to be leasehold, it can only have a certain number of storeys)
• Are there any incentives? (E.g. Lower rates for account holders, money off your first council tax bill)
• Anything else I should know?
  
• Name and contact details of the person you are speaking to
  

What Mortgage Types do they offer?

• Fixed Rate (you pay fixed rate of x% for determined number of years, e.g. 5% for 3 years, after the 3 years the rate usually goes to SVR (standard variable rate) which is a % above the base rate set by the Bank of England and is usually not that good unless the base rate is very low and inflation is very high and there is a recession)
• Variable Rate (you pay a % above the base rate set by the Bank of England, this is usually lower than the SVR)
• Tracker (this tracks the base rate I think)
• Lifetime Tracker (can’t remember what this is but worth asking about)

How much is it for the different types of survey?

• Basic (this is the most basic survey, just for the mortgage lender to see if the property is worth what you want to pay for it, also they check for any major issues with the property, e.g. damp issues, asbestos)
• Advanced (this checks more stuff for your own comfort)
• Homeowners (this is a thorough check and checks structural problems too, recommended if you’re buying a house which is an old building, for example)

Generally if you’re buying a flat which is part of a modern building, I would recommend just the  basic one. I think most people get the advanced one.

What Fees do you need to pay?

• Mortgage Account Fee (usually free)
• Booking or Application Fee (usually free or about £100, this is what you pay to apply for the mortgage, regardless of whether the mortgage application is successful or not)
• Product Fee (usually £1k, this is to buy the type of mortgage, e.g. 2 year fixed rate mortgage which is a ‘product’)
• Valuation Fee (This needs to be done so the mortgage lender can check the property is actually worth what you have offered to pay for it, and it doesn’t have any major problems with it. The valuation fee depends on property price and can be £300-£700, sometimes this is free for first time buyers, check this! Also if you choose an advanced or a homeowners survey then this will cost more.)
• Transfer Fee (only applicable if you want to port the mortgage to another property)
• Product Withdrawal Fee (usually free, or about £100)
• Redemption Charge (due once your mortgage application has completed, usually this is about £200)
• Dispersement Charge (i.e. this is what you pay for them to send the money to the solicitor, usually this is about £30)
• Solicitor Fee (only to pay if you choose a solicitor through the mortgage lender rather than getting your own one, it’s worth asking how much this is so you can compare and get the best rate, sometimes the mortgage lender can offer this for free, otherwise it’s about £500-£1500)

As a note, mortgage lenders will try and sell to you another fee which is optional, and comes under different names but they pretty much all mean the same thing (mortgage indemnity insurance, security fees, payment protection insurance) – this is an amount of insurance you pay over and above your monthly repayments which covers you if, for example, one of you gets ill or passes away. I would generally warn against this and advise instead you save up a 3 month earnings buffer in your savings to prepare for crises like these, and save the money. Life insurance also covers this anyway.

We then recorded all the fees into a spreadsheet. Excluding solicitor fees, it was about £2k of total mortgage fees for each bank. Usually, the mortgage advisor of the bank can take you through a hypothetical mortgage application (this a document set out by the FSA, Financial Services Authority, it does not affect your credit rating and is done consistently no matter who the mortgage lender is). This is really useful to do, using the same parameters (property price, length of term, mortgage type) as then you will end up with a “Cost for Comparison” – the lowest one of these will instantly tell you, for that combination of parameters, which mortgage lender has the lowest monthly repayments. If you add this to your fixed costs, you can work out which is the cheapest mortgage lender over the first 2 years of having a mortgage with them. You can always change mortgage lenders at a later date to the one with the best rates.

It’s good to pick a first choice and a second choice mortgage lender, just in case it goes tits up with your first choice…

Property searching

Now that you know who is the best mortgage lender for your criteria, you can start looking for properties, knowing what you can afford and then as soon as you find that perfect place, you have the relations with the bank mortgage advisor to start your mortgage application straight away, knowing you’ve made the right choice. It’s good to speed up the time between making an offer on a property and starting your mortgage application as then everything happens faster and you’re more attractive as a buyer.

I would look at properties up to just over your budget, as when you make an offer, you never offer the full asking price. It’s also wise to offer less than what you’re willing to pay because then there’s room for negotiation.

Warning: Most estate agents are full of shit and irritating. This is something you’ll just have to learn to put up with and see the wood through the trees when choosing a property. Ask yourself, what are the most important things to you in a property? Remember this when looking and never settle for second best.

Here is a useful list of practical things to consider:

• Parking (free? allocated space? garage? do you need a permit? can you get a visitor’s permit?)
• Garden (communal?)
• (If flat:) Type of lease (leasehold, freehold or ‘share of freehold’ (which also means leasehold)?)
• Length of lease (you want more than 70 years on this otherwise you need to pay lots of money to renew it)
• No of bedrooms
• It the property ex local authority?
• Is there a valid gas safety certificate?
• Floor plan with room sizes (useful as rooms look bigger when they’re empty and if you get the dimensions of the furniture you need, e.g. bed, wardrobe, desk, couch, dining table, bookcase, then you can see when you get home if your desired furniture will actually physically fit into your property)
• What’s the local area like?
• Is it near a train/tube station or bus stop?
• Where’s the nearest supermarket?
• Where’s the neatest petrol station?
• What type is the boiler and how old is it?
• What appliances are included (washing machine, oven, dishwasher, boiler, fridge)
• Is this sale part of a chain? (if it is it could slow things down)

You find the property of your dreams. You make an offer though the estate agent (less than the asking price, less than you’re willing to pay). Sometimes the seller sits on it for a day or two (to make you squirm) then gets back to you. They also might say your offer is too low – so either raise it or look elsewhere. When we made our offer we put together the most convicing thing we could think of, having met the seller when we viewed the property:

• We are really serious about this property and we will not pull out
• We have already had our credit checks down and have come out above average
• We’re willing to purchase the furniture in the flat if it’s for sale and pay over and above our offer
• We really love this flat, it’s the best one we’ve seen, and will put a lot of love and care into it, it would be our first home as a married couple

They accepted the first offer we made within a couple of hours. As soon as you have your offer accepted, you do 3 things:

1. Tell your estate agent and try to persuade them to take it off the market
2. Tell your mortgage advisor and/or make your mortgage application
3. Find a solicitor – either use the one through the mortgage advisor, the pet solicitor of the estate agent (ask them who this is and ring them for a quote), or another one

You then need to connect those 3 people by giving each of them the others’ contact details.

Once your mortgage application gets through the first stage (after they do a credit check), the mortgage lender arranges a survey/valuation to be done. You then go through a fairly long and painful process to get the property of your dreams…

The wait…

This can take anything between a few days and 6 months or more. What’s normal? 3-6 months.

1. Look at property. Like? Go to 2. Dislike? Look again.
2. Make an offer. Accepted? Go to 3. Declined? Raise it or go back to 1.
3. Apply for mortgage. This means filling in a form, proving you can live in the UK, providing 3 months of bank statements each and proving with statements that you have enough funds to pay the total deposit. Credit check ok? Arrange survey and go to 4. Credit check bad? Go back to 1 and look at cheaper properties.
4. Get valuation done. Ok? Go to 5. Not ok? Go back to 1 and count your losses.
5. Complete your mortgage application. Wait for ages. Lots of things are carried out by your solicitor (land registry checks etc.). In this time you want to try and make sure that you are not gazumped. This is when another buyer makes an offer on your property which might be higher than your offer and is accepted by the seller, even though you are already part way through the buying process. This is really annoying and unfair but can happen which is why you need to persuade your seller and estate agent to take the property off the market once your offer has been accepted. We also phoned our solicitor quite a lot to ask about the progress. They asked us for a few annoying and pernickity things (character references, financial references) but we eventually got there.
6. If nothing has gone wrong, and all checks are ok, you embrace the happy date of exchange. This means that you exchange contracts and you pay 10% of the total deposit as the down payment.
7. One week later, you reach the even happier date of completion, by then you would have paid the deposit and stamp duty in full and you collect the keys to your first home. Hurrah!

Welcome to my Blog!

I’ve decided to record all the things I’ve discovered in life which I wish someone had told me earlier. There are so many things which aren’t what they seem. Buying a property for the first time (why can’t they teach us that at school instead of PSHE?), starting your first job, having sex for the first time, getting married, the constant mental battle of weight vs. food…